| Osashiburi desune? |
[14 Oct 2009|06:24pm] |
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Azora no namida |
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Wow, it's been 19 weeks since I've last written on livejournal! Who would have guessed? I guess there isn't much going on my life that is note worthy, but I'll still try regardless and see what could possibly work...ish.
Today in Japanese class I had a shotest. It wasnt as eventful as I thought it would be, but I really hate trying to remember verbs. I do have a favorite verb though: Oboeru--> Which means to memorize. How I remember it is "OH BOY!" I get to memorize. It's lame...but it totally works! I told a few of my classmates that one before the test, and it really helped them out! :D Tokorode, I also got to check my answers after I took the quiz and I got a 100 percent! WOOO! :D I'm so excited! I needed to have one quiz that was really good to make up for that one I did rather poorly on. :3
On a completely different note, I'm kinda sadish again. I think it's partially because of the time of year (not a big fan of fall and winter), and some friend issues going on. To be honest I really wish people would just try to find a way to get along with each other rather that totally blow off each other for a very minor detail. Or the people who purposely try to tarnish another persons reputation with other friends because they are too bored to think of something else positive to do with their life. There's enough shit in this world, cant they just try not to make a mountain out of an ant hill? I know I'm being vauge, but it really bothers me.
WTF MATE?! WTF?!
There is a reason why high school drama should stay in high school, and shouldn't spill out into college.
Hokay, there was the ring, gotta go.
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| My heart is just plain confused. |
[28 May 2009|02:21pm] |
Recently I joined a dating site to support 3 friends of mine with their pursuit of a significant other, and to also see if there are actually any decent people out there (I've actually come to the point in my life that I'm fine with being single (I o back in forth from not being fine and being fine allllll the time). Anyway, 3 days in and I already have more messages than all my friends, and none of the guys I particularly like in THAT way.
To make matters more strange, this really good looking guy from one of my university classes messaged me and we talked for awhile online. At one point I had a very small crush on him because he was really quiet and perked my interest a bit...and... I'm starting to like him again. o_o;;
To make matters worse, I still haven't gotten over my most recent crush, and I want to bang my head against a desk daily because of it. Why do I have to still like that baka?!!?!
It's stupid. Whats wrong with me? I feel like whatever I do is just wrong and that I should be satisfied with my life now. Sure the guys I like don't like me back in that way. It's okay. I'm independent and don't need a guy to let me know that I'm okay......ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!
v_v
I should just find a corner somewhere and just hide there for the rest of my life, become a hermit.
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| Hopefully the last emo rant I'll make for a while at least. |
[11 May 2009|12:13am] |
So my brain has finally come to the conclusion to move on, forget about the guy I like and emerse myself in the projects I really want to do. Problem is, my heart just wants to cry for a while--a long while and keep on trying to love this guy who loves someone else. i know in my head that it's a waste of time, and it hurts waaaaaay too much to go through it again. I guess I keep forgetting how much this stupid love junk hurts, not to mention wears a person out.
It may take a while, but surely I am going to get over him. I'm sick and tired of feeling my chest hurt every time I think about him, and just wanting to cry all the time. I'm just sick of it! I need to stop being such a cry baby and be strong and find my own damn happiness, and just stop relying on others.
I hope someday that he'll be happy, and I'll be happy, and that neither one of us will ever have regrets. Thats all I hope for today.
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| Life happens, when it does write about it. |
[04 May 2009|05:32pm] |
So I finally got up the guts to tell the guy that I like that I liked him, and he said that he didn't feel the same way, and had feelings for someone else instead. As much as I pretend that this doesn't hurt---it still hurts a bit, but I did more or less expect his answer to be a no. Anyway, rather than letting things get awkward, I reverted back to being "friends" and am helping him get the guts to help the girl he does really want before the school year is over.
Why you may ask am I doing this? I'm doing it because I want him to be happy--even if it isn't with me. Yeah I know I deserve to be happy too, but in a really lame way....I'm happy if he's happy. He and I are still good friends, and ironically after the whole confession thing we've gotten closer (how is that even possible?!).
Anyway...so yeah. I feel less stressed after getting that done with, but in a way still feel down about it. I do feel a sense of purpose helping him and doing exactly what a friend would do, but I feel like I'm the one being insensitive to my own feelings (he's not being insensitive to my feelings, I was the one who asked him about this chick). Seriously, I want to be happy, and instead I'm slowly killing myself by trying to make sure he ends up happy.
Wow...I need to get over this really quick, or at least have a good cry about it to get out the stupid pent up feelings I have. Surely I will find happiness one day, just not any time soon. *shrug*
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| A bit emo on a slightly dreary april afternoon. |
[27 Apr 2009|04:57pm] |
I guess there comes a time in a girls life when confessing her love is compeltely unavoidable. She will be unhappy if she doesn't tell him, and unhappy if she does (about whatever reaction). I've finally come to that conclusion, but feel as though no matter what method I have decided to do, it will all end poorly.
However, another joker has fallen in the deck, and apparently he already knows. What the hell am I supposed to do if he already knows?! I'm more than certain he doesn't like me in the way I like him, but still doesn't act like he's uncomfortable being around me. Is it just my imagination...or am I going crazy?
Personally I think I'm going crazy, but I realize because of what I dont know, causes alot of these problems. A part of me hopes that once I just "let it go" all of this will be resolved and then I dont have to wonder about how he feels about me ever again. But then a part of me wishes that he would like me back, but know deep down inside that I wouldn't know how to handle it.
The thing is, I do love him. I care about him, and dont want him to feel in anyway obligated to like me back. Even if he doesn't return my feelings, it will be okay...I will be content to stand back and be just a friend. I know pain will be evident for a while, but I can pull through---been there done that.
Anyway, it just feels good to be able to get that out and not have that on my shoulders anymore. Yeah it's sad, and I hate to burden anyone out there with reading this...it...well feels good to not keep it in and just let it out.
I have resolved to tell him--it's just WHEN is the problem. I've considered telling him via a letter, but all those who I've asked about it say "do it in person", and it doesn't scare me at all to do it in person...it's just that...I know I'm gonna screw it up. XD I'll still try to think positive....although seriously...nothing positive is going to come out of me fessing up. XD
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| It's been quite a while hasn't it? |
[07 Apr 2009|03:33pm] |
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Ayumi Hamasaki Megamix! |
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Hi yall!
It's been a while since I last wrote on livejournal. I dunno why exactly I've stopped writing on here. I figure part of it is that life got in the way, and that I just try to not take the time anymore to sort of my feelings. Unfortunately tho, I'm probably going to spill my guts on this thing today, so be prepared for the worst! XD
So Yesterday I went to my old highschool to meet up with a few friends to go to a party. A good number of them were seniors, but they are pretty much the last of the kids I used to know at West, so it's all good. We all went over to libby's house, watched justin play video games for a while, and then megan, claire, and I took it upon ourselves to torment Justin, Nick, and Will. XD It was hilarious, all the tickling....all the rough housing (they called it rape, but meh watever).
I never have much opportunity to actually hug/touch people my school, so it's really nice to actually have physical contact with people (such as hugging/tickling/etc). XD I had so much fun, I seriously wished it would last for ever----it was THAT fun. Of course all good days come to an end...and...well...yeah they ended.
Anyway, Today just isn't as cheery as yesterday, not that I expected it to be---but I would at least hope that it would be semi interesting! Maybe I'm just a bit depressed..I dunno. School is blah when you dont see many of your friends around. v_v
Oh, so...about the guy I like. Dunno now when I should tell him. I've planned before on telling him the ____th of april, but now since I've talked to a few other people have kinda prolonged it. *sigh* I dont get whats up with how silly it is for a girl to tell a guy she likes him. I'd rather get it over with, get rejected, and go back to mah not so happy college life. It's not like it's gonna matter anyway. I've been rejected before.
The truth is I dont want to get rejected, but I see it coming anyway (yes I'm pestimistic). I want to be optimistic about the whole thing, but I just cant. I can barely let myself even think about it, because I dont want it to bother me so much (thats why I want to get the confession thing over with). To be honest, I have more of an idea what to do when I'm rejected, than if he reciprocates my feelings. Oh btw, my idea of "confessing" is just telling him I like him more than a friend---I'm not technically asking him out. I'm just saying I like him and wouldn't mind dating him. Meh
I'll just listen to sad music now and draw purty pictures.
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| Attempting something new. |
[09 Nov 2008|10:27pm] |
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So for out of sheer randomness, my mom bought me 4 microwaveable curlers, and I've been playing around with curling may hair. I dunno, I haven't decided yet if I like having my hair somewhat curled or just plain straight. I actually like it curled, because it makes me look a bit more feminine and such. I'll probably change my mind eventually and just go back with plain old straight hair. It takes alot of time and effort to get alot of hairs curled. XD
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| C+?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! |
[06 Nov 2008|03:54pm] |
So I got my portfolio grade back for design, and lets just say Joan is not happy to have a C+. >:( Part of the problem with it is that my pen was leeking a bit too much, and my teacher was like "Rawr, your doing too much work and your pen sucks".
Oh well...I'll keep trying. YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST OF ME DESIGN TEACHER!!! *shakes fist*
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[05 Nov 2008|01:36pm] |
So the other day at an AI convention meeting, Kopf-kun and I were bored and going through our wallets (for the fun of it) and he saw my drivers license (picture from highschool), and he commented that I should never get my hair cut like that ever again. Normally I don't mind these comments, but for some reason this has been bothering me because I've been hearing it alot recently from my guy friends.
Last night, a guy told me that I looked really attractive with long hair, and before that even, two of my guy friends told me that I shouldn't cut my hair, and just leave it long.
What is wrong with short hair? An even more perturbing question: Why are guys more attractive to girls with long hair rather than short hair? It doesn't make sense to me. Partially because long hair can get tangled very easily and short hair doesn't get tangled quite as much. Besides, short hair is more silky and happy compared to long hair. I dunno, I just dont see much of a point to long hair.
A response I got from Chris was that guys like girls with long hair because they have to take care of it more and that makes women so appealing. Geeze, thanks alot guys. It's not all about looks ya know. XD
Anyway on a completely different topic.
We had our Japanese Skit thing today. To be quite honest I was scared that I was going to mess up because I didn't have the whole skit memorized. I did however mess up on one part. The skit however was a success. It was very very funny, and we ended up winning first place for the best skit in the class. (the whole skit was based off of Ouran Host club, and we had lots of props, and stuffs) It was alot of fun, and we had a few improvising stuff in the middle of the skit. I probably should have looked at my audience more, but meh, I didn't want to get stage fright. XD
So yeah, the skit was awesome. I feel really good about mahself now. I was stressing out since last night (due to the whole presidental election thing) and that I had to do this YET. ugh....
Anywayz, I'm glad it's over...now I can rest and get design homework done. :D
YAYYYYYYYY!!!!
Anyway, not much is going on in mah life so far. I'm in the computer lab waiting for a puter with a scanner so I can scann the vocaloid miku picture. I'm planning on scanning it, and going ahead and painting it when I get home. I wanna make it look really neat and really cool, both in photoshop AND with paint. :D
Ahhh...artz ish so funnz.
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| Halloween, Hugs, Hilariously Humorus. (Quadruple H's for you!) |
[31 Oct 2008|11:49pm] |
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Vocaloid - Love is War |
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There are few things that truely make me happy, and I think one of the few things that makes me truely happy is just getting hugs from friends. I mean, if you really think about it, of our culture is founded on a bubble where we aren't allowed to touch people, unless you're really close. I can understand that you dont really want to have people you dont know touch you, but it's just amazing to me how much I need a hug or just a pat on the head to make me feel better. It's kinda like another natural high where it's just having physical contact with someone else. It doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, it can just be friendly and mean that someone genuinely cares about you.
Anyway, so at today's Halloween party I got to hang out with some old high school buds, go trick or treating (yeah I know I'm 20, but who cares?), and watch a scary movie. I declare, the moment I walked into Laura's basement I was suddenly attacked by 3 people glomping me. XD It wasn't funny at the time, but it made me feel better to know that people missed me and liked being around me. I guess sometimes I get the impression I'm more of a bother or not quite exciting as I could be. Meh, that's just the way I am. More of a motherly "it's okay" type. XD It's sad isn't it to compare myself to a mom.
The Halloween party was a ton of laughs when we watched the scary movie. I had two girls sitting on either side of me holding onto my arms as if it was the only life line. From my point of view, it felt like I was getting my blood pressure checked in both arms SIMULTANEOUSLY. I thought it was funny tho that the girls were so scared (apparently I'm not afraid of scary movies??) that clinging to me would supposedly help? XD It was great. Carla even snuck up behind me and the one girl and freaked us both out (part of it was that the movie was quiet, and suddenly Carla asked in a loud voice "Why is the rum gone?"). XD It was great. Good times.
So my starving artist costume actually got me more candy than anyone else in the group, which is kinda hilarious, considering I'm probably the only one who "made" her costume, rather than buying a costume. Cosplay has corrupted me I guess. I love the joy in making things, that to be something that everyone else wont be is exhilarating. Unfortunately I got alot of weird looks today around campus with a canvas around my neck. XD It was great tho, because I didn't look like a whore or stripper, and was acting like mahself. XD
Anywhoz...
I've been contemplating changing my live journal avatars, for something different. Dunno what as of yet, but I'll think of something. XD I did like the theme of using firework pictures from 2007 to make avatars. I may repeat that later depending if my new camera can take better pictures than my old camera (which is proving so far to be unlikely).
Well it's getting late. I wish to you all a good nite, and hopefully your halloween was fun. :D
Take care everyone!!
-Delight046
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| Meme - "borrowd" from Asu-kun |
[29 Oct 2008|06:48pm] |
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Comment and I will....
a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, colour, photo, etc.
b2) Tell you what colour my synæsthesia makes your name and username
c) Tell you something I like about you.
c2) Tell you which punctuation mark you remind me of
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
d2) Tell you a memory I wish I had of you
e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you
f) Tell you my favorite userpic from your list
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| Yeh I'm still alive...I think....last time I checked.. |
[20 Oct 2008|07:26pm] |
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Haha, yeah It's been 6 weeks since I've written on here. For about half of that I kinda forgot I had a journal. oops. XD I've been mostly posting anything random on my deviant art account, cuz a friend of mine gave a subscription. It's okay, but I still dont see anything to special with having a subscription.
Anyway...
About whats been going on...lets just say I'm stressed. School is killing me this semester. Yeah Yeah Japanese and Design are easy as pie, but Comp sci is the kicker in what maxes out my stress level. I thought writing papers in high school was bad. MAN! I WISH I HAD A PAPER TO WRITE! Since I haven't been able to understand whats been going on in class for aprox the past 4 weeks, its comming to the point where it's screwing me over. Part of it is that I just plain dont like python...and it doesn't like me either. C# was fun, python is confuddling. Kopf-chan at least helped me out with understanding for how for loops work in python.... but it's not enough to get me through Homework #4 from Hell.
*sigh*
Oh last week I discovered that not all "Special" buses on campus are created equal. I decided to go to my art class an hour early one day to ask the teacher a question, and ended up clear over by the university hospital AND my old highschool. Haha, yeah that day was mildly amusing. I ended up getting on a dorm bus and made it back to my regular bus stop, but was 10 min late to class when it was all said and done. When I told the teacher/my classmates they laughed.
...yeah...all special buses are not created equal.
Meh, I got my Sho-test back today...got a 83.33....It's not bad...but it isn't good either. *sighs* Oh well, I'll just have to keep trying and keep pushing it. AT LEAST I CAN READ/WRITE KATAKANA!! XD
Oh well..I should stop procrastinating and get back to programming...which is due TOMORROW.
v_v;;;
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| Life for da Joan.... |
[05 Sep 2008|01:27pm] |
So I had the Hiragana sho test today, and I thought it went pretty good. XD Although because of my on-going-stress-headache, I've been having a bit of trouble concentrating on what I'm hearing. v_v;;; But I know I did well, which is a good thing, I suppose.
I have finished writing the script of the first chapter of my new comic! :D Now all I gotta do is start drawing it! XD Nothing much happens in the beginning, but there's alot of open ended questions which make it interesting for me as the writer to lure readers along. :D
I can't wait to get started on it...but I also have to work ahead with Japanese, and a few other things.
blah.....
Man stress is killing me this week. but oh well...thats the college life.
I'm sorry I dont have anything else eventful to say, I'm just...wanting to melt into a puddle and never get up again---I am that worn out (and it's only the end of the 2nd week of classes).
Anywho mom's here to pick me up. Jya, Mata!
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| Why isn't this week over yet? |
[27 Aug 2008|01:59pm] |
Man, it really sucks going to school everyday due to computer science and Japanese....but at least it's fun and not something to dread. Although I feel like I need much more sleep to make up for all the stuff I've been cramming in my head.
XD
Today in Japanese class we had the privilege to do this interesting skit:
Person A "accidently drops pencil on floor"
Person B picks up pencil: "ano...sumimasen." (umm excuse me)
Person A turns around: "Hai" (yes?)
Person B holds out pencil to person A: "ano kore..." (this...)
Person A bows and says "domo arigato gozaimasu" (thank you very much)
Person B bows back and says "douitashimashite" (you're welcome)
Person B introduces them self: "Hajimemashite. _______ desu. douzoyoroshiku." (how do you do? I'm ____. Please be nice to me)
Person A introduces them self: "Hajimemashite. _______ desu. douzoyoroshiku."(how do you do? I'm ____. Please be nice to me)
Pretty simple isn't it? It's fun with all the bowing and being cheerful. :D
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| First day of the U of I |
[25 Aug 2008|11:46am] |
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First day of the large college experience wasn't too bad. I was terribly nervous tho this morning and was really scared that I would be late (and all that kind of nonsense). Oddly enough, everything went off great. XD For some reason I didn't care for my Computer Science class (mostly because some really handsome guy sat next to me). It's also a very large lecture with lots of people in it. I'm looking forward to tomorrow tho where there will be less people, and more oppertunity to talk and converse.
I get to learn python---which shouldn't be too difficult (hopefully).
Japanese class was alot of fun! We basically went over the syllabus, and then went to introductions. Like: Hajimemashite. Gordondesu. Doozoyoreshiku. (Hello this is the first time we meet. My name is Gordon (the Japanese go by last names). Please be nice to me.) Also we covered good morning (ohayogozaimasu), good afternoon (konnichiwa), and good evening (konbanwa). Stuff like that. It's really awesome. I really like how it's going.
Anywho, in other non exciting news, I've been getting really down on myself. Like saying that what I did was stupid, or I'm an idiot or just plain foolish. I absolutely loathe saying those types of things to myself, but I can't seem to stop. I mean, I have friends and family who like to build me up, but I'm just so pessimistic that I just tear myself back down again. It gets steadily worse when I found out that I didn't pass life drawing with my portfolio review. That took a big hit on my already rocky self esteem.
At least I got some good ideas and critiqe to do better. and who knows, maybe I can do better by the next portfolio review and pass. XD
Probably not, but hey, it's worth a shot.
XD
Anywho, I better go, and get some major hiragana stuff done. The more pratice the better!!
Jyaaa mata!
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| Summer Cold |
[10 Jul 2008|12:55pm] |
How in the world is it possible to get a cold in the summer time?! I grant you allergies are possible any time, but a COLD in the SUMMER?! ugh....
anyway, my nose is running, and I can't seem to catch it..
and I've gone through about..... 25 tissues since 6:45 this morning.
I ish one miserable Joan.
Anywhoz, nuff complainin.
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| I am 20 and a HALF! |
[02 Jul 2008|05:39pm] |
Not that anyone cares...I'm 20 and a half now. XD
only 6 more months left to go till I get to 21.
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| So yeah...Flood of 2008 |
[14 Jun 2008|09:47pm] |
So 2008 is not only the year for tornadoes, earthquakes, and presidential mumbo jumbo, but is also the year for the 500 year flood to occur. I've heard from multiple friends who are also in town who are dealing with the flood and thankfully everyone is okay (and I'm very thankful that both of my parents decided to live on a hill away from the river), and that we are all pulling together to sandbag and defend what has not been invaded by water.
Because of flooding, summer school was canceled from Wednesday to Saturday, so...I dont know if I have classes this week or not. I'm assuming not considering how bad the conditions are in Vinton, Cedar Rapids, Iowa City, Coralville, Columbus Junction, and so on and so forth. I dont really mind classes being canceled, I'm working ahead anyway. :P I'm almost a month ahead in Art Apprec, so kekeke. U.S. History is the only thing that is suffering at this particular moment in time.
I was going to sandbag today, and was ABOUT to leave the house, when mom decided that she wanted to come too. It was okay really...but then she took too long and by the time she was ready, a storm was comming so we had to wait out the storm.....but then later ended up not going. T_T; Oh well. I'll probably go tomorrow or Monday to help (weather/hail permitting).
In other news I'm having a blast making Cellyphone charms! :D Currently I'm making character pairing's earrings for something different, yet completely cute. :D I've had a few friends of mine reserve some of my finished charms already, and...well..it makes me really happy! :D I'm hoping that I'll make enough moneys from my charms that I can open a site on the internet's and sell there. Apparently even my online friends want some too. :3
Other than that life's been pretty good. ^_^
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| Oh yeah...XD |
[27 May 2008|10:07pm] |
Kinda forgot I had a live journal for a bit. XD
So sorry! My life has been so busy it's almost not worth documenting whats going on in my life. But I guess I'll take the time to write down stuffs and...possibly make some sense.
Today I baked 20+ charms, Mostly anime character ones, some food ones, etc. I'm trying really hard to be ready for AI 2009 (I'm going to have a booth that year), and I'm making good progress. I would do it this year, if I had time, and if I wasn't taking summer classes. The only real problem I have with charms is that I have to paint them and that takes alot of time.
My CCS Costume is nearing completion. I have the last 2 layers to sew on, one layer to hem, make two garters, 2 scrunchies, a petticoat (so perverts wont see my underwear)... and...thats pretty much it (other than the sleeves). It looks really good, and I look like a little kid in it. ^^; I absolutely love my duct-tape wand. When I get the entire project done I'll post a picture on here. ^^
I doubt I'll have time to finish/start my TRC costume. I may if I dont get too busy before AI.
XD
Man I really dont know what to say about my life. It's just so busy with school, work, art, preparing for selling in the park, preparing for the gettogether next weekend...etc...that...well...What could I say? It seems boring to just say I did "blank" and I did "blah" etc. I know thats partially the point of diaries, but that seems really...boring, and un interesting.
Personally I think of myself as boring. >_>
*sigh*
Anyway, I've been really happy for the people who have boyfriends, crushes, etc, but have been partially wondering to myself what is wrong with me. When I say that i mean, Why do I feel fine with not having a boyfriend? For the longest time I wanted a boyfriend, then I got a boyfriend in highschool, and now I'm like "I went through all that jazz, I'm just more content being alone." Granted I do still like guys, but I don't see much of a point to get into a relationship that probably wont go any further than friendship. Furthermore, I also prefer to not demean myself to be in a relationship with someone who guilts me into a relationship or who I would feel unsatisfied with. Yes call me picky, but I'd prefer to be content and happy rather than feel like I'm being used.
Thats why I'm Single! XD
I get soo much more done being single too! Besides, I have loads of fun comming up with snazzy excuses not to date, etc. XD
Anywho, That felt better to say! Knowing me I'll probably change my tune one of these days. *shrug* oh well.
^^
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| The Life of da Joanstr... |
[18 May 2008|09:43pm] |
So Spring semester is over, but summer semester starts tomorrow. Actually if I work really hard with my any time any where art appreciation class I may be able to get done faster, compared to the evil six week history class I have to take. Oh well, shouldn't be too bad I suppose. I have to get a 4.0 this semester to get my average gpa up. That C in speech, and the two B's kinda killed my gpa so much that my gpa dropped from a 3.6 to a 3.4 (or 3.3?) Anyway, to keep my PTK scholarship to the U of I, I HAVE to have my transferring gpa at a 3.5 or higher.
Talk about pressure. But I'm pretty sure I'll be okay.
I'm sorry that I haven't written much. I've been mostly writing journal entries on Deviantart rather than on livejournal. Dunno why, I guess I get more comments there with my art and such compared to on here (although I dont really show my work on here do I?). *shrugs*
It's the time of year again that I'm BUSY! Apparently I have a few graduation parties to go to, an AI meeting to go to, a party to host, 2 costumes to make, attending a convention, going to a friends wedding, and god knows what else. I hope I'll get some time to relax again. It sucks being stressed all the time..
*sigh*
I got some charms done! Some are really really cute! :3
Go see em at www.delight046.deviantart.com !!!
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